An Urgent Message regarding the Death of my Client

from: barbus naberus
date: Wed, Oct 22, 2014 at 7:32 PM
subject: strickly confidential

To the Esteemed Next of Kin,

My greetings extend to you! How are you this day? I hope my message finds you well.

This email may seem something of a surprise. Do not be alarmed! I have nothing but good news for you, as we will soon, I believe, become excellent business partners.

I confess that there is one bit of bad news, though you may not be aware of it. My name is Barbus Naberus, solicitor, who was personal Attorney of the deceased Ingrid Stoffel, whose last name you clearly share. You may not have heard that Ingrid passed away some time ago, along with her two lovely children, Eric and Sophia, for the news agencies have been advised by my law firm, Legion and Associates, LLP, to remain silent on the issue or face legal recourse.

The circumstances surrounding my client’s death and that of her children seemed beyond the ability of the popular media to cover. Any photographs of the apparently arcane symbols scrawled in crimson paint on her property would have only exacerbated the urgency to resolve this legal matter.

Her passing, and the deaths of all heirs explicitly named in my client’s will, led me to a search for answers.

I made several inquiries to her Embassy to locate any of my client’s extended relatives, a task which has proved unsuccessful. All of my searches proved to no avail. Finally, turning to the Internet, an ancestry service provided a list of far flung relatives, and hence I contacted you.

I have contacted you to assist in legally repatriating the money and property left behind by my client. These items are in danger of being confiscated or declared unserviceable by the Bank where these huge deposits are lodged. Particularly, the Bank patronized by my client holds a deposit value of $8 million USD, a box of gold dust, a rare and ancient dagger used by priests of Nephren Ka, a leather bound tome, and other ancestral monuments worth millions of dollars by estimate of an esteemed Museum, should they be sold for its opening. The Bank has issued a notice to my law firm that I must provide the next of kin within three official working months or have the entire deposit confiscated.

In addition, the local Constable took into evidence several items during the course of its investigation into my client’s death, including: a solid platinum brooch inscribed with the eye of Thoth, a petrified sheepskin, certain delicate scrolls and manuscripts, thirteen vials of rare Dyes, and keys to the family mausoleum that cannot be replicated.

While clearly wealthy, your relation Ingrid Stoffel amassed some amount of debt to various Legal Entities in her country. The debt can easily be paid with a fraction of the bank deposit, but only if the amount is retrieved before it is confiscated.

Because I have been unsuccessful in locating the relatives for years now, I seek your humble consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased with full legitimate backing. Thus the proceeds of the deposit value of $8 million USD can be paid to you, and we can share the money. 30 percent shall be paid to you and 50 percent to me, with the remaining 20 percent held for expenses and payment on the client’s debt. Expenses include any tax that your government may require. The items will be released as well, though your Personal presence may be required. If this proves mandatory, rest assured that my law firm will cover any travel expenses to bring your Person to the appropriate location.

Keep in mind that I was able to find you using publicly available resources, and that the Legal Entities seeking a resolution to the debt may also make the same connection. If you do not have access to these funds and items, will you be able to resolve my client’s debts?

As far as concerns the items taken by the local Constable, many of these items should be laid to rest with my client in accordance with her Will. Her remains have been interred at a temporary location while we await access to the mausoleum. I hope that her soul is not too troubled in her wait to finally be at peace.

I have prepared all necessary legal documents that are related to the proof of your claim to the money. All I require is your honest and willful cooperation to enable us to see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under a solid, legitimate arrangement that shall protect you from any breach of the law, so long as you assure me that you will not sit on the fund and items once they are finally claimed.

Please print the attached forms and fill them out in pen, with your Own Hand. On page 7 you will see the request for me to be considered your Attorney in these matters, which shall grant us access to the items confiscated by the local Constable. To prove the verity of the statement, place a drop of your Own Blood next to the signature. The Constable will examine the Blood to affirm your identity. Also include a lock of your hair for verification purposes, a recent photograph, and a recording of your Own Voice stating your full Name aloud several times. You may easily put this on a memory device or compact disc to include with the forms.

I look forward to working with you in this matter, my friend. Please do not delay in your response as this matter will be resolved soon, one way or the other.

Do not be surprised if an Agent working in my stead in your Country approaches you. Once positively identified as my associate, do everything he says, as he will work solely in the interest of resolving this matter.

Best Regards,
Barrister Barbus Naberus
electronic address:

3 thoughts on “An Urgent Message regarding the Death of my Client

  1. Info on this terribleminds challenge can be found here. I didn’t want to ruin the vibe by prepending or appending in the actual post.

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